It’s taken quite a toll on Suzana and me to keep all of you in the dark about what we’ve really been doing these past six months. We’ve hated lying to everyone, but we had good reasons to do so. Now it can all be revealed.
First, the big lie: We have not been cruising. We have not been living on a sailboat. We are not in Mexico.
We have actually been living in a small studio apartment in Fremont. We’ve been spending a good part of our time photoshopping ourselves into pictures of Mexico that we’ve found on the Internet.
As a couple of you have been told in confidence, Suzana has long been a semi-covert agent working for Mossad. It’s been a bit of a balancing act, but we’ve been careful to avoid “projects” that would be in conflict with the United States’ interests. But the news coverage of the latest venture has blown her cover, so that’s all over now.
It started out as an investigation of a questionable tallit importer. A bit of undercover work led to the discovery that not only were the tallits of poor quality, but sewn into them was a WiFi surveillance device capable of compromising any computer network they were in contact with. This was part of a larger scheme to compromise US Jewish community computer systems.
Suzana’s “in” to the organization was to pose as the owner of a computer repair facility in downtown Oakland, who had created software to cause the compromised computers to explode. But that required a full time commitment on her part, which required a reason for her to be absent from her regular home life. Hence the cruising fiction.
While it’s true that this was a form of entrapment, you have to remember that it was a Mossad operation, not US law enforcement. So different rules apply.
The operation came to an abrupt halt when the tallit warehouse spontaneously exploded (we suspect, but can’t prove, interference from the CIA, as the same warehouse contained compromised MAGA hats). The resulting news coverage — which I’m sure you all saw — blew the lid off the whole operation.
So we’re back home again. See you around the neighborhood.
Happy April 1st.
